17 Jul The Second Time Around…
I am eight weeks pregnant and I know I should be overwhelmed by joy, anticipation and wonder.
Instead, here I am, feeling sad and fretting about my ability to handle the next seven months – the next two years! You see, I’m pregnant – but it’s with the second baby! Of course we planned for this little one and of course I want this baby. It is just that being pregnant is so much more difficult to enjoy when you already have the responsibility of another baby. I hope it doesn’t sound too harsh when I put it this way!
I remember how I would lie down and sleep for hours a day during my first pregnancy. And when I was nauseous I could just hide away until it passed! But now I have little 15-month-old Alex: a significant responsibility! I cannot merely sleep when I want to (in fact he has started dropping a nap, now only sleeping one hour a day!) and whether I have the physical strength or not, I need to pick him up when he needs my love and attention. There’s no telling Alex that mommy has got to take a time-out.
I have been going on about what a responsibility I have towards Alex and how worried I am about getting in extra help, as that would then mean I am neglecting Alex, when my husband said something quite obvious that I didn’t really think about until that moment: ‘You know, you also have a responsibility towards that little one inside of you. And you are not doing him or her any good by carrying on like this – exhausted and emotional.’
So I guess it’s okay if I ask Bongi to help with Alex more often… or I’m not sure – is it?!
Perhaps it’s okay to give Alex just a little less of myself right now? It’s so hard to believe that this is indeed okay…
And what will I do once the second baby is here? How will I ever find the strength to give of myself to both?