19 Feb 38 Weeks!
I am now 38 weeks pregnant and find myself between feelings of excitement and overwhelming worry!
It is such a reality now, the birth of our baby is so close, that I can’t help but think of some of the practicalities once baby Rebecca is here…
How will things work with two little ones in the house? How will the sleep routine be? Alex is such a light sleeper – what if he has just fallen asleep, and then Rebecca’s crying wakes him? Or what if Alex wants me to sit on the floor with him and play, as he loves me to do, but I am still experiencing pain after having given natural birth? Which brings me to thoughts of the actual birth process – how will I ever manage this again? My previous healing experience has been quite traumatic – will it be different now? Will I be able to cope with little sleep and night feeds? What if I have a breakdown?
I had my own little breakdown on Saturday. My husband has to work long hours at the moment, and even weekends I have been mostly alone with Alex – a very, very busy little man! We were sitting on his bed in the extreme heat of the Boland, him not being able to sleep (I’m sure because of the heat) and he was climbing and jumping all over me. I was beyond exhausted and started crying! Alex, however, thought I was laughing, and started laughing like crazy! What a pair – mommy crying her heart out, and Alex laughing his little heart out!
Physically my body feels done. I think it’s time for Rebecca to come into this world. Mentally, I don’t feel ready yet, but I’m not sure if there is a ‘ready switch’ somewhere… Don’t get me wrong – we are going to love this baby to bits and take care of her as best we can. But I’m no supermom… just a normal woman, trying to do life – falling along the way, getting up again through the help of quiet time and wonderful friends, and continuing the mommy journey.
I think I must remember to not try to do this journey by myself – I should make use of the help that friends and people who care are offering me (in spite of mommy guilt!!). How does that saying go? ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ I don’t think we were ever meant to do this on our own.